I woke up this morning, and before leaving for breakfast I checked my mail. Opening a letter from a friend, I began to read, not suspecting how it would convict me. This friend told me everything. Everything bad that she’d ever done and been too ashamed to tell anyone. Everything. I am humbled, because I never would have had the strength to do that without her taking the first move. But I want you all to know this: I am not a good person. I’ve cheated and lied, and deceived. I’ve been cruel, even to those who didn’t deserve it. I’ve been doubtful when a friend needed me to trust them. I’ve been judgmental when someone needed support. I’ve been weak when I should have spoken out against wrong. I’ve been overbearing when a friend was at the breaking point. I’ve called people names. I’ve cussed. I’ve been lustful. I’ve been prideful. I’ve had the impurest of thoughts. And I’ve never ever let anyone know. If you are my friend, don’t try to justify me by downplaying the meaning of these words. When I say pride, I mean pride in the worst sense, and when I say lust I mean lust in the most impure sense. These are the things I have done. Through Christ I am made pure in God’s eyes, so I ask that you will forgive me for these things I have done, just as God has forgiven me. But YOU should know, that if I know you at all, I have at some point wronged you greatly, in one of these ways: I have talked behind your back, I have thought myself better than you, I have had lustful or impure thoughts about you, I have not put the love that you needed into our relationship, I have judged you… I have done this to YOU, and you probably never knew. Don’t think that you, of all the people I know, have been treated rightly by me. I’ve just been hiding it. The last time I saw you and the next time I see you, I will still be that imperfect person. That person who you probably never dreamed was as I am. Will you forgive me as God has?
November 1, 2004