Two women surrendered their children to God. One was losing her son to cancer and the other was losing her daughter to alcoholism.  What makes the difference?  I could understand the lady in chapel today, about always dreaming of being a mother. It’s what I’ve dreamed of for as long as I can remember. But could I really handle it?  One mother did her best, and her daughter fell into alcohol and drug addictions. Another mother did her best and her son loved the Lord and was preparing for missions but found out he was dying of cancer.  I can’t even imagine what it would be like to be in either of their shoes, and to be honest, I don’t really want to know.  If I struggle through something as frivolous as school, how could I ever deal with something like that? To carry a child. To feel him or her move and kick inside of you.  To go through the agony of giving birth, and then to see that face, and hold that tiny body. To raise them. Put Band-Aids on scraped knees, wipe away tears from dirty faces. Answer embarrassing questions about the facts of life.  Watch them grow. After that, how could I deal with losing them?  I think it could be easy to pray every day, “God I surrender my child to you,” because you expect that to mean he will take care for them. But to have an alcoholic child or a child dying of cancer and say “God I surrender my child to you.”  That’s different. I don’t know if I would have the strength to do it. But I also know that short of a miracle from God, I wouldn’t have the strength to handle it at all.  Do I really want to be a mother?  Yes.  I want to. But could I really do it?

Found out that Nautica had her baby girl last night! More thoughts about motherhood.


2 responses to “

  • fallbaby03

    Esther, I’ve had the exact same thoughts.  Would I be able to do everything my mother did, and the mothers of my friends did.  The thing is, God gives us strength, and He won’t ever leave us.  I know that today I am not ready to be a mother.  I don’t have the strength for that, but I don’t need to yet, I can grow into it.  That’s the beauty of God’s plan, He knows when we can and cannot handle certain things.  I hope Nautica and the baby are doing well~  what is the baby’s name?

  • emu777_dynamic_crux

    you know – i’m scared out of my mind about becoming a mother (if God blesses me in that) – you would make a wonderful mother…God can do anything

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