If a tidal wave wiped out my entire community….if it killed my family, destroyed my home, erased all that I had ever known…….If I was left standing on an empty beach with cars and debris floating the water…..If I walked through a room of dead bodies to identify my relatives…..how can your heart continue to beat when it is broken?  When your spirit has been crushed to the point that you cannot even cry, wouldn’t you hate death more for eluding you than for taking away everything you love?  Over 13,000…can anyone explain that number to me?  We are called to love…If I had loved those over 13,000…if I had loved even one of those over 13,000, how could I go on?  How could I sit around a table and joke about dating and eat Pizza?  How could I go downstairs and watch Shrek II.  How could I come home and tease my heart with the emotions – even the pain – in a movie.  How could I get on the computer and write my thoughts on a meaningless website.  If I had loved even one of them, the pain would be too great.  If I had loved one of them, then “over 13,000” minus one would still have been swept away, untouched by my life….and I may not have made a big enough difference even for that one.  But this is speculation…because I didn’t….I didn’t even love one of them. 


And what is real about instant messenger.  I shared my thoughts with a friend.  I wrote what I have just written here, and then the tears fell…and my body shook uncontrollably…But I made myself stop.  Not because of the friend who I was talking with…they didn’t even know.  There computer screen did not communicate that my eyes were flooded with salty water or that I had covered my face to stifle my sobs.  I made myself stop because I realized that someone was watching TV in the next room.  My mother was watching TV, so I stopped crying….I wasn’t even talking to her, but she might have heard me through the closed door. She coincidentally walked in later and knew I was crying anyway.  Through IM no one would have heard me.  Not even the one who I was talking to.  Is this real?


Matthew 2:18 – “A voice is heard in Ramah,
      weeping and great mourning, Rachel weeping for her children
      and refusing to be comforted, because they are no more.”


Rachel, weep now. Weep for Indonesia.  Weep for India. For Sri Lanka.  For Thailand.  Weep for them all.  I wonder if God really does weep too.  God, who loved all ‘over 13,000.’  Maybe that is why the earth quaked.  Maybe God was weeping for them.    


John 3:16 –  “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

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4 responses to “

  • Anonymous

    i am sorry…

  • emu777_dynamic_crux

    i found myself almost crying as well while i read this – you’re right – we can’t even begin to imagine a number so huge…how can we love that many people – i don’t even remotely know that many people and yet if just one of the small number of people i do know died i would be crushed – i cannot presume to understand what it would feel like to have someone you deeply love just die with no warning – and now i’ve just been thinking about that unimaginable feeling times 22,000 – that is how broken God’s heart is – i can’t imagine it – i can’t believe that God bears that hurt each and every day and that He continues to love us and be with us despite how sinful we are, despite how many times we let Him down – He still loves us
    sometimes after traumatic experiences in relationships people refuse to ever try again – they run from love – they close their hearts to love and vow to never unlock it – they fear being hurt again – what if God did that? – why doesn’t he protect Himself from the pain we cause Him every moment? even though in our minds it seems almost self-destructive to continue this pattern of giving love and only being shot in the back, but God does it every day with each and every one of us – He does this, He loves us no matter what – His love is unbounded…and unfounded for that matter – what have we done to deserve His love? nothing and yet He gives it freely to us… this is the love that i cannot comprehend – this love is immeasurable –
    sometimes I stare at the screen, at the paper, at the numbers and just wonder how could I ever even attempt to help? how can I even begin to identify with these people who have suffered so much? – but God doesn’t call us to attempt the impossible on our own, but He does call us to attempt the impossible depending on His strength and His understanding…He calls us to love everyone, to weep for those who are suffering, to pray and pray for everyone, and to serve. – of course it never seems like enough – I always feel like I should be doing more, but we have to trust God – He guides the paths we walk – if we have our hearts focused on Him and our desire is to serve Him then God’s hand will make it happen – He will show us where to go – that is my trust – that’s the only way i can live in this world and not fall apart out of hopelessness – we must find our hope in God for it is His love that sustains us all
    i should stop too before my sister starts to wonder if i’m alright….wow this has been the longest comment i’ve ever left…
    esther – God Bless and remember that in Him there is always hope.

  • pianomon4

    your entry seriously almost made me cry too – and I like never cry. That news really shook me too. Not totally sure if my facts are completely correct, but I think there was a wall of water 40 feet high that hit land 500 miles an hour. Now that I think about it that can’t be true, but can you imagine how INSTANT that is?! God can take away (or allow to be taken away) lives in a single instant… why are we living as though we have our whole lives ahead of us? 23,000 some now are dead, and the number will probably rise. 20 times the soldiers lost in the Iraqi war. in an instant. I also heard that this quake was so big that the ground jolted a whole inch in Oklahoma… we probably could have felt something here if we were expecting it. A scientist said that this even set the Earth’s rotation a little off. Is this the ‘groaning’ of the Earth that is described in the Bible in end times. Just last year another earthquake killed 30,000 in Iran. Anyway, I need to go to bed. These thoughts will stay with me for a long time…

  • fallbaby03

    I know what Johnathan’s saying about the quake in Iran. My friend lost family in that quake. Her mother made her wear black for a long time in mourning for the quake. But again, I wouldn’t have even felt more than the tiniest tinge for those people killed if I didn’t know her. I question when I became so hardened. Is it because of movies, music, television, society, maybe just my lack of interest in anything outside myself. I cannot even grasp it. I have held best friends while they cried. The pain I have felt is those moments is perhaps some of the greatest. Here is this person, I care so much about and I cannot stop their pain. The only thing you can do is hold them while they cry. I’m a fixer, I want to be able to help. And sometimes I can’t. Sometimes I’m not supposed to. I’m a fixer, but I never look deep enough to fix myself. I cry. Why don’t I care enough about myself to feel the same pain. Not because of the pain that caused the tears. The pain felt for a friend who seems to have no reason to smile.

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