4 long years.  2 of the worst of my life, and then 2 of the best of my life.  By this time next year, I will have lived as many years of my life in the US as in Kenya.  My life seems so normal. I go to work, I drive home, I complain about college, I ‘hang out’ with my friends.  I’m so content right now, but I’m afraid that I’m more lost than I think.  Who am I?  MK, TCK, PK, BK?  I remember a time when all I wanted from life was to marry some good Christian Maasai man, be a good wife, and raise my children in a mud hut.  But realistically, I could not have been that…I don’t have the skills be that kind of wife…the patience to cook over a wood fire and to raise my children without everything that I had growing up.  I remember a time when I thought it would be exciting to be a translator for the U.N.  But too often I just want to wash my hands of any and all government systems.  Recently, I think I’ve spent too much time assuming that I will live a life just like my parents…nursing major, and a desire for missions.  But I can’t live my parents’ life.  I say I want to be a nurse, but I have a picture in my mind of my mother’s clinic, not of Hershey Medical Center.  I feel a desire for missions, but is that God’s call, or is it just a longing for my childhood? I don’t want to go through life chasing the past.


Matayo 6:9-10


Papa lang otii shumata meitisinyi enkarna ino meeu enkitoria ino, metaasi eniyieu te nkop anaa enatiu te shumata.

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6 responses to “

  • Anonymous

    esther, i really appreciated that post.  looks like your working through some tough stuff.  thanks for sharing.  are you ready to be a CA? 

  • JoshuaKeener

    haha bk. burger king. that is funny. it should be BD! ( =You should come over and watch The Interpreter with me and jon sometime, its about a U.N. translator. its AWESOME!!!!!

  • pianomon4

    Sounds like a lot of the same things I’m struggling with. Just pray that God will conform your desires to what He wants your desires to be.”But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”-Matthew 6:33-34

  • emu777_dynamic_crux

    it was so great to see you on sunday life is a crazy thing isn’t it? sometimes i feel i’m going down the completely wrong path and then i realize that maybe i’m wrong…when are dreams God’s vision and when are they just dreams? one thing i realize that sometimes even if we go down the wrong road God will make it good cuz He’s cool like that – hehe i’ll be seein you soon – God Bless you Esther ~Maggie

  • filups

    and so goes life… so many questions, so few answers.

  • fallbaby03

    love you. let’s talk soon. you leave in much less time than I’d like.

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