I feel like I’ve been given an overdose of intellectuality. It seems like all we ever do in class is analyze and psychoanalyze and reevaluate and question everything in the world. We talk about women’s roles and women’s rights and gender issues and cultural context. But culture came from somewhere. Culture rose from a basis of biology and psychology that may not have been understood, but was nonetheless there. And many people want to preserve the cultures of every quaint and rustic society that has retained any of its origin, and yet we are always questioning things, and trying to strip ideas of their cultural context. And I feel like in this search for knowledge I have surrendered my search for truth, because I’ve found that my ideas, like those of society as a whole, are forever changing and reforming themselves, but not with growth and forward movement. I feel like a little child lost in a forest of knowledge, and I keep encountering the same tree and the same stump and the same bush, but still I cannot move in an outward direction. I’m lost and running in little circles like a dog chasing its tail. And at times like these I just want to throw my books out the window (but not really, because that would result in a fine,) and move to a desert island and never hear another word about these never ending questions and the underlying encouragement by the ‘enlightened’ to mistrust every foundational belief I have. But then I would be a bad steward of this wonderful education that I have been offered, and of the mind God has given me. But is this good stewardship? How can I know? God, help me find the way. Give me discernment to know what is true and what is not. Help me find truth.
-Wednesday, October 13, 2004


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