So I’m sitting here eating reception food for the third day in a row, pondering what I could possibly say about this incredible event that has swallowed up my summer and to some degree, changed my life forever. After months of planning and hours of preparation, my Bekah was whisked away in a swirl of wedding dress and Derrick, and disappeared to the land of the Wed without even a goodbye.
I should say, “I’m so happy for them!” and, “Someday I want to have what they have,” which is all true on one level or another. The wedding was lovely. Bekah looked like an angel. Everything was planned just so, giving a charming impression of perfection, and parents and grandparents were honored, God was thanked, friends were recognized.
I’m not a party girl. (Shocked?) I dread parties. They give me headaches. In fact, sometimes I’m not even sure how much I like people in general. I suppose I do like them, but only a few at a time. So when numerous people came up to me during the reception with, “Isn’t this fun?!” I gave the ever-practical ‘smile and nod’ response. It was a graciously short reception, and nice while it lasted. But a party nonetheless.
Lately my curse has been to lay awake at night and try to talk myself out of all the immature responses I feel like having to this wedding. I’ll see Bekah all the time, so why do I care if she was excited and forgot to say goodbye? And marriage is inevitably a part of life, so there is no rational reason to feel abandoned and rejected. Yet, strange to think that the only person who has shared all of my ‘homes’ for 20 years, is leaving and committing to spend the rest of her life with a man she has known for less than two years. This is the point where I hear my mom’s exasperated sigh and then playful chuckle: “Esther, you’re definitely not ready to get married. You’ll understand it when you are.”
I try not to be bitter. And I am not unhappy. Derrick is a wonderful guy and I woudln’t change things if I could. These are just the honest writings of a little sister who isn’t quite sure yet who she is without her Bekah. I love you.
And they blessed Rebekah and said to her,
“Our sister, may you increase
to thousands upon thousands;
may your offspring possess
the gates of their enemies.”